Saturday, 22 March 2008

A Case of Premature Certainty.....

Hi There,

Premature certainty is when a client has reached a solution in an attempt to jump out of some sense of discomfort or pain and because the solution needs to happen quickly in order to get out of the pain it is not often well thought through. Usually such solutions can create more pain in the long run.

Take client Y who had been feeling a little lost in the world and disconnected from other people for awhile. Client Y longed for a greater sense of certainty and direction. She found a solution which involved her leaving the UK and travelling back to her native land. An opportunity arose for her to reconnect with an old friend and she hoped that this person would help her establish her business in her native land. Now all the signs were there that this was an ill conceived idea and had the potentia, because it meant leaving all her friends and connections behind, to leave her feeling even more lost and disconnected in the world. Now in a coaching session I began to challenge her solution. Her response was a fierce defence and an attempt to convince me that her solution was the right one.

I always get a little concerned when clients try to convince me or enroll me into their worldview. A coach is only useful to a client to the extent they can stay out of the client's story or worldview. Some clients try to 'hypnotise' me into their way of thinking and that is not what I am there for.

Now client Y was still certain at this point with her solution and held onto it with a grim determination. I did not hear from client Y for 3 months. She had sat with it that long. A number of things happened that helped her question her solution. Fortunately she sat with it long enough to not only change her mind but find a better solution, one that helped did not mean leaving her friends behind, and one that gave helped her find more of the direction and connection she wanted.

Steve Nobel

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